Admiration
by koukacs
Summary: Ever since Greg had come to her life, Rose felt that she was changing in great speed. But there was a limit to how far she could grow. She was nothing compared to a human being.


**Steven Universe does not belong to me.**

 **Admiration**

Rose liked to watch Greg play the guitar.

When he was in deep concentration, he closed his eyes and let his fingers ran through the cords. Then, in the middle of the play, he would open his eyes and look at her.

The smile he showed her, every time, awoke something new in Rose. How could it be possible to always feel something new, even when he repeated a song?

Perhaps, it was because he was human.

Human beings had short and intense lives. They were born, grew up, changed…

Change was inherent to them. To always learn, to always question, to doubt. That was how they broke through every challenge. Human beings were the most extraordinary life forms Rose had ever encountered.

She loved them.

And envied them.

After Greg played the guitar, they used to talk about many things in his van. He was so easily excited about different subjects, especially music and TV shows. The subject of the conversation could vary, but one thing remained the same. Mr. Universe always looked at her with adoring eyes.

But Greg no longer idolized her. He did not see Rose as a perfect creature that never did anything wrong. Despite him not knowing about the really awful things she had done.

Rose had attempted to bring up Bismuth in a conversation, more than once, but her comrade's name got stuck in her throat. That fight still haunted her. Bismuth wanted to shatter enemy gems. Rose thought that was wrong.

Homeworld gems did not choose to be their enemies. They had never come to know that they could choose anything. They never suspected that they could do what they liked, become what they wanted or live for their own happiness. Instead, they believed they were things that belonged to the Diamonds. Freedom was more than a foreign idea for them. It was a nonexistent concept.

Rose thought that they deserved a chance to find out those things. A chance to live freely. No gem deserved to be broken. Rose would prove it to Bismuth once peace arrived. Rose would unbubble her friend and show her the error in her ways. Show her why every life was precious, including the lives of the gems from Homeworld.

But what did Rose do in the end?

Rose had to shatter someone, believing she would save the Earth and her comrades.

She did save the Earth.

However, most of her fellow Crystal Gems were cursed with a fate that might have been worse than being shattered. They did not simply lose their lives. They lost themselves.

They were forcibly transformed into animalistic creatures, with no memory of who they used to be. Everything they had chosen, everything they had conquered, every lesson, every joy… it was all taken from them and destroyed.

Rose told her remaining friends that she would find a way to cure their fellow comrades. She did say many things to many people.

She had put a smile on her lips and promised so many gems things that, in the end, were not delivered.

What was the point of going against her own morals? What was the point of proving Bismuth right and taking the life of Pink Diamond? If Rose knew what would happen, would she still start that war? For Earth? For humans?

She only now noticed that Greg was looking at her with a concerned expression. Rose must have been quiet for quite a while, lost in her own thoughts. She wanted to tell him everything. But what would he think of her, then?

Greg got close to her and kissed her lips. He would never ask Rose about the things that tormented her. She would be able to let him know some of those things in the future, though. She could not stand the thought of deceiving Greg any longer. She could not stand that guilt.

However, Greg would never let her finish her confessions. Not because he could not cope with them. But because he knew how hurt Rose was every time she brought her past up. Greg wanted Rose to be happy and he wanted to be happy along with her. Instead of letting the chains of the past dictate anything, he kept his eyes on the future.

Humans had such short lives. That made everything they did so much more important.

Rose kissed him back. Ever since Mr. Universe had come to her life, she could feel herself changing in great speed. She could almost see a bright future in her front. But Rose did not have too many hopes for that. There was a limit for how much she could change.

In the end, she was still a gem that had been built to follow a purpose, no matter how much she resisted that fate. The most she could change as a gem was nothing compared to the growth of a human being.

Greg invited her to eat a pizza. She had no need to eat but liked to join the man and feel closer to him.

She watched him grab a piece of pizza that was too large for his mouth and attempt to fit it there anyway. They both laughed. He had little tears at the corners of his eyes.

Greg Universe was so beautiful.

As always, Rose wondered how much of her admiration for that man derived from love and how much came from envy.

Human beings were extraordinary creatures, always changing, always evolving.

Rose Quartz wished she could be like them.


End file.
